I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
