omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
