people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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