u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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