But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
