If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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