I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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