so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.