Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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