I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
