You work out of a Hotel?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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