dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
