I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Actions speak louder than pants.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
