you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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