The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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