Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
