ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
