i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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