Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
