True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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