He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
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Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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