somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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