Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
