Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
