I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
