Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think your dad took our porno
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
BRING THE BAGELS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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