Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
