Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
