If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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