Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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