i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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