FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards