don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize