My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
