there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
