They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
