i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
