Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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