i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
