i would punch a child for taco bell
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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