Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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