It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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