READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
