ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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