so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
