you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How does one acquire holy water?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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