dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
