Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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