i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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