you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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