Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
