So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
