My liver just broke up with me...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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