I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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