the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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