Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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