I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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