the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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