You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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