East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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