I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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