Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
