I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
