how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
